Pokemon Yellow: Special Parody Edition
by CrazyRabidPony
Summary: A rewrite of my very first fanfiction. Yellow is possibly the world's dumbest human. Once she receives her first Pokemon, she becomes possibly the world's dumbest trainer. With her Pikachu, she sets out to accomplish probably nothing particularly extraordinary.
1. The Beginning of Insanity

**Pokemon Yellow: Special Parody Edition**

_Written By: CrazyRabidPony_

_Chapter One: The Beginning of Insanity_

Yellow was an average ten-year-old girl-well, not average; more like_ below_ _average_. From surveying all eight bits of obsidian hair, red and white baseball cap, vest, shirt, and jeans, one wouldn't have been able to tell that she was a village idiot in the making. And she was often mistaken for a boy, which she didn't mind-choosing to cheerfully and politely correct the person who had prejudged her gender and gift them with a handful of noodles. Her IQ matched that of a Madagascar hissing cockroach, and on occasion would mimic the mannerisms of one on an unexpected impulse.

Eyes crossed in a blank stare that was fixated out the bedroom window, the young girl began to fantasize the day she were to receive her first Pokemon. What would it even be? "Would it be a Bubuhsaur, a Charmanderp, or a Squttle?" were the exact words that passed through her mind. As far as she knew, it could be a two-headed rainbow unicorn kitten from Mars with butterfly wings. And that is precisely what she imagined it to be as she mentally rode upon its back over a lake of chocolate and battled an armada of pocky monsters.

Then something occurred to her. Why did she have to wait anyway? She was old enough and she was prepared to leave, she reasoned to herself as she cast her gaze to her full backpack she had stored in the tree outside her bedroom. Coming to the decision that today was the day that she would meet the town's-and coincidentally, the region's-only Pokemon professor, she slid down the staircase and crashed to the floor at the foot.

Recovering with absolutely no injuries, she hopped over to her mother. The woman was seated with a sort of melancholic expression, as if she was dreading the arrival of some horrible tragedy.

"All boys leave home someday. It said so on TV," she stated, her eyes glued to the television screen that was showing happy cartoon ponies.

Yellow retained her usual mirth.

"But I'm a girl," came the answer.

With a twitch of her eye, something deep within the woman snapped… again. With a one-hundred eighty degree turn in mood, she launched herself from her seat. She hurled chairs across the room with alarming strength, sank her teeth into the couch to tear it apart with even more alarming strength, and ran headfirst into walls with even MORE alarming resilience, creating deep holes that would later be patched up along with similar ones dotted along the drywall. This behavior was not unusual for her, and the banshee-like cries that carried throughout the neighborhood were long used to by the residents.

As Yellow's mother pranced with imaginary leprechauns, the child made a beeline for the door and the tree. Giving the trunk a headbutt with the startling inhuman power she inherited, her backpack dropped straight to the ground. Collecting it, she ran straight for the laboratory located a few blocks from her home.

* * *

Door flying off its hinges, it sailed across the laboratory and collided with one of the Pokemon professor's assistants as his clones looked on in horrified awe.

"Professor Oak!" Yellow cheerfully chirped, oblivious that she had just committed destruction of property.

"I told you! I don't want any Girl Scout cookies!" the mildly insane professor bellowed, strands of saliva flying from his mouth with each syllable. Cooking pot on his head and a fully loaded machine gun in his possession, he kicked over his desk to serve as a protective barrier. Upon analyzing and acknowledging who the visitor was, he was instantly becalmed and promptly tossed aside his weapon and discarded the pot. "Oh… Yellow, it's just you."

"Gramps! I want my Pokemon now!" whined a nearby spiky-haired boy as he stole a brief glance at the Poke' Ball sitting upon another desk several feet away. "I've been waiting here for six hours!"

"Be patient, er… whatever your name is." The old man squinted his eyes, lifting his hand to his chin as he struggled ever so hard to remember his grandson's name. "Green? No-Blue!"

The boy tightened his scowl with indignant irritation. He couldn't wait until the time arrived to put the forgetful old geezer in a retirement home and take over his laboratory.

"It's William!" he tetchily reminded him.

"Be patient, William, you'll get one eventually."

"Whadaboutme?" Yellow queried, bouncing up and down in excitement. "Can I have my Pokemon? Huh? Huh?"

"Of course. It's on the table," replied the annoyed Pokemon professor, extending his index finger to the Poke' Ball.

Approaching the table, Yellow took her time to unnecessarily inspect it from every angle. She then did the same thing with the spherical object.

"Neat! It's a Voltorb!"

"That's a Poke' Ball, Yellow," said Professor Oak, sharing a look of shame with his grandson-shame that he actually knew this human. "The Pokemon is inside of it."

"The Pokemon must be tiny."

Exasperated groans were released from both the Pokemon professor and his grandson. After knowing the girl for so long, they were still unable to believe that someone so stupid existed.

Just as Yellow stretched out her arm, hand open as she prepared to grasp the Poke' Ball, William shoved her aside and snatched his prize. Even with it in his possession, he still burned with anger at the fact that his own grandfather was so willing to gift a Pokemon to an idiot outside of his family over him. He was even questioning the man's mental health since he seemed to be content with giving the girl a Pokemon in the first place.

"William! What are you doing?!" Professor Oak sputtered, unable to believe what he had just witnessed.

"Muahahahahaha! This Pokemon is mine!" William proclaimed. Laughing evilly, he made a mad dash out of the laboratory to begin his journey.

"… Okaaaay…" Mind still reeling from the insanity his grandson had displayed, he shifted his attention to Yellow. "Yellow, I have one more Pokemon left and you can have it."

"Yippee!" the child cheered upon receiving a second Poke' Ball. "Hey, another Voltorb!"

A nervous drop of sweat slid down the old man's head in response. Right now, he was beginning to question the wisdom of his decision. Before he could say anything and hopefully correct this potential mistake, the Poke' Ball cracked open and released a blinding energy that materialized into a Pikachu.

"_Finally! I'm free!"_ the electric rodent exclaimed in its language, before glancing up at the humans from her position on the floor.

Yellow, however, had taken no notice to the Pikachu, as she was too busy scolding the Poke' Ball she had mistaken for a Voltorb for using Explosion. Dreading letting the Pokemon go with this particular girl, he very slowly explained to her that the round object in her hand was a Poke' Ball along with its use. Pointing down at the Pikachu, he stated that she was her Pokemon, causing a panic to well up within the creature. Before she had any time to react-or more accurately, flee for her life-, the child swiftly dropped to her knees and curled her arms around her in a deadly embrace.

"_Can't… breathe…!"_ the Pikachu choked out.

Shifting the Pokemon into one arm, Yellow accepted the gifted Poke'dex and five Poke' Balls from Professor Oak. The Pikachu shooting her former keeper a deadly glare, he responded with a look of remorse and pain caused by constipation. With another choking gasp, the fluffy mammal was whisked away.

"May Arceus…" Professor Oak trailed off as the remains of his sentence were erased from his mind. Since Arceus didn't exist in the first generation, the memory of even uttering the Pokemon's name was wiped from his mind. "May Nintendo God have mercy on that poor Pikachu's soul…"

After wishing the Pokemon luck in a silent prayer, he opened up the safe tucked away behind a bookshelf and began to play with the girly dolls that had been contained inside.

* * *

The wilderness is an unforgiving desolation. It was without the protection of a Pokemon children were forbidden to venture out on their own. No one could ever predict what monstrous beasts could be lurking beneath the cover of thigh high grass.

The Pikachu tossed the unconscious body of a Pidgey onto the pile of its copious brethren and Rattata that had formed while her trainer had led them around a single tree for the past hour. She heaved a sigh as they came to a stop, feeling the electricity stored in her cheek pouches running low.

"I still don't see Viridian City anywhere," Yellow said, surveying the area.

The Pokemon slapped a paw to her forehead and groaned at her trainer's stupidity. How was it possible for someone to walk around for an hour and not notice a city that was only a few yards away? Before Yellow could change their course towards a pack of rabid hippies, the rodent procured a frying pan and sprung at her from behind. In one well-aimed swing to the back of the head, the human was knocked unconscious. Heaving a sigh, the Pikachu dragged her trainer to Viridian City's Pokemon Center.

* * *

"_Hey, wake up."_

The Pikachu prodded her sleeping trainer in an effort to rouse her. Having dragged her into the Pokemon Center and onto one of the empty couches, she had gone ahead and saw herself to the nurse to be healed. Health completely restored, she was anxious to get going again.

"Mommy, I don't wanna go to school," Yellow whined in her slumber, rolling over onto her side, her back facing the Pokemon.

After many attempts at awakening her trainer, the Pikachu swiped an Old Rod from a Fishing Guru and proceeded to repeatedly smack her trainer with it.

"GAH! SOCK MONKEYS ARE ATTACKING! DON'T LET THEM GET ME!" Yellow cried out in a panic as she leaped skyward and clung to the chandelier above. Unable to hold her weight, the chandelier was detached from the ceiling and shattered upon impact to the floor. Rushing to her side, the Pikachu checked for any injuries. Unfortunately for the Electric-type, the girl had sustained none. Dizzy spell dissipating, Yellow turned a grin to her Pokemon. "Heya, Sparkle!"

Ear twitching, the Pikachu's mind processed her given nickname. In her anguish, balled up her paws and tossed them heavenward as she cried out _"why me?"_ at the sky-or, in this case, the ceiling.

* * *

Taking up an exploration of Viridian City, Yellow and the newly named Sparkle allowed their eyes to wander. Soon, both came to a cessation as they stumbled upon a building enveloped with an angelic glow, a most beautiful chorus ringing in their ears and filling them with an indescribable bliss. It was a Dairy Queen.

"Hey, Sparkle, want some ice cream?" the girl inquired, dropping her eyes to her Pokemon.

Feeling a break in the nightmare that was her life, answered with an enthusiastic nod. The pair sat themselves down at a table and enjoyed a variety of dairy treats. As they indulged themselves in frozen bliss, they shared joy and laughter and took part in chugging contests before succumbing to brain freeze and crashing from the sugar rush.

"Get back here!" a voice originated from within the establishment.

A female Nidoran with an ice cream cone held firmly between her teeth dashed out of the building with the owner of the voice close behind. An enraged ten-year-old black girl resembling a Cooltrainer was in hot pursuit. Ducking behind a trash bin, the Poison-type wolfed down the cone and vanilla soft serve. Once she was finished, she scanned the area from her hiding place, soon spotting Yellow and Sparkle waking up from their nap. She dashed into their direction, unnoticed by all with the exception of the angry girl. The Nidoran gently nudged an empty Poke' Ball that had been dropped by Yellow. As the object split open, she was sucked inside before it closed again.

They mystery girl hadn't known that the Nidoran was wild and had assumed that Yellow was her trainer. Retrieving the dropped Ball, Yellow glanced around. In order to avoid eye contact, the girl spun around and clenched her fists, shaking with rage. Gritting her teeth, she created a vow that she would avenge her beloved ice cream.

Once she turned back around, she found that Yellow was gone. Huffing in frustration, she set out to hunt down her victims.


	2. Attack of the Bug Catchers

_Chapter Two: Attack of the Bug Catchers_

Yellow and Sparkle's time in Viridian City was not a long one, primarily because the Pikachu did everything within her power to prevent any diversions. However, the girl's short attention span meant that they didn't head straight to the northern exit. They made short detours to the Poke' Mart and a boy who warned them about the types of Bug Pokemon that dwelled within the Viridian Forest. Again, because of Yellow's attention span, all she got out of the boy's monologue was "Quibbyroastybrass"… somehow.

Once they reached the northern exit, the girl and Pikachu found themselves standing before a shaky elderly man holding an oversized mug of coffee that was purple in color with an image of a Koffing's face stamped straight in the middle and the word "Koffee" printed underneath it.

"Ah, I've had my coffee and now I feel great!" exclaimed the jittery old man before taking a sip of his beverage. "COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE COFFEEEEEEE!"

Overwhelmed with a sudden fear for their lives, the trainer and electric mouse bolted as fast as their legs would allow to the second route of the region.

"Waaaait! Don't you want me to show you how to catch Pokemon?!" the caffeine-driven man called after them, then took another swig from his mug. "COFFEE!"

"Grandpa, I think you've had enough coffee," said his granddaughter as she advanced with intentions on snatching his mug.

"NEVER!" he bellowed. "MY COFFEE! COFFEEEEEEEE!"

After one more sip, he retreated behind a bush and protectively held his mug to his torso as if it were a precious child.

* * *

Stationed at the maw of the Viridian Forest and breathless from their horrific encounter with the coffee-addicted old man, Yellow and Sparkle met the other's gaze. The girl was relieved that they were safe. The Pikachu was disappointed that he didn't catch up with her trainer, and mentally prayed that something will capture her in the future and deliver her from her duty as her Pokemon.

"Did we… lose… him, Sparkle?" Yellow queried between pants.

"_I don't think… he was even… following us,"_ the Pikachu responded in her native language.

Breathing rate regulated, the pair ventured forth. Beneath the shade of a massive tree was another boy, who's friendly smile completely disarmed them.

"Hi," he greeted. "I came here with some of my friends. They're itching for Pokemon fights."

Before Yellow could respond, their attention was averted as another boy came sprinting from where the path disappeared behind a wall of trees. His condition and the frantic way he ran raised a red flag for the Pikachu, while her trainer remained oblivious. His clothes were tattered, his hair was messy, one of his shoes was missing, and his skin was scraped and dusted with dirt in various spots. Diving behind a line of tree stumps, he trembled like an epileptic Magikarp.

"Hi!" Yellow addressed the whimpering boy in a cheerful intonation as she peered over the stumps, completely unaware that he had just barely survived a horrific encounter deeper within the maze of trees.

The boy curled up into a ball and proceeded to rock back-and-forth whilst repeating the same phrase over and over again.

"They're out to get us all… They're out to get us all… They're out to get us all…"

"Who?" the girl questioned, only _now_ beginning to sense that something was amiss.

"The Bug Catchers!" cried the psychologically scarred boy, falling to the ground to uncontrollably sob.

"Pika!" Sparkle gasped, slapping her paws to her mouth.

"What are Bug Catchers?" Yellow inquired.

In order to answer her trainer's question, Sparkle snatched the Poke' Dex from her pocket. Opening up the device, she pressed a few buttons to bring up the search engine.

"**Bug Catchers are psychotic Pokemon Trainers who train only Bug Pokemon. They are called Bug Catchers because if they bite you, you will catch a bug… called rabies."**

"Cool! Rabies sounds like a strong Pokemon! I wanna catch a rabies!" Yellow turned to her Pikachu, her eyes aglow with excitement. "Let's go, Sparkle!"

Picking up her reluctant Pokemon, Yellow ventured along the path that would take them deeper into the Viridian Forest. The boy standing next to the gigantic tree watched them leave with gradually increasing concern. As he finished conducting a silent prayer, he happened to remember that he forgot to sedate his Bug Catcher friends before turning them loose that morning. Dropping to his knees, he rummaged through the duffel bag that seemed to have magically materialized at his side. Feeling a multitude of pricks, he withdrew his hand to see just that many syringes jutting out from every direction on his hand, sedative seeping into his system.

"Uh-oh."

The boy subsequently collapsed as he succumbed to the effects of the sedative.

The two explores traversed along the path, the human taking in the scenery while the Pokemon urged said human to move faster. While the Pikachu would _love_ for something to happen to the girl, no one deserved an encounter with a rabid Bug Catcher.

Suddenly, a figure leaped out of a tree and landed upon the dusty road. Standing upright, he eyed Yellow and Sparkle with a menacing glare that could even make the legendary professional wrestler Hollywood Hulk Hogan run away crying for his mommy. Scrambling out of Yellow's arms, Sparkle positioned herself behind her trainer. Yellow, however, felt no hostility from the creature.

It was a Bug Catcher.

"Hi! I'm Yellow! What's your name?"

"You have Pokemon?" the prepubescent beast cried out. Fishing out a Poke' Ball, he released a Caterpie. "Let's fight!"

"Yaaay! My first Pokemon battle!" Yellow rejoiced, hopping up and down in exhilaration. "Go get it, Sparkle!"

Although Sparkle knew it was a very poor decision to fight a Bug Catcher, it was her duty as her Pokemon-no matter how stupid the trainer was. Inching from her spot behind Yellow, she dropped into a battle stance.

"Sparkle, use Splash!"

All noise in the universe seemed to halt the instant Yellow finished giving her command. Turning her gaze up at the girl, the Pikachu cocked her head a small degree in confused befuddlement.

"What's wrong, Sparkle?" Yellow asked, also appearing quite confused.

"**Pikachu cannot learn Splash, you dimwit,"** said the Poke' Dex, seeming to have magically found it's way next to Yellow's feet.

"Oooooh…" A look of semi-realization dawned upon the girl. "Okay, then use that zappy attack!"

As Sparkle charged up the electrical energy stored within her cheek pouches, she wondered if she could be considered an idiot for understanding her trainer's command. Before she spent any time contemplating, she fired her attack. Lacking the training in controlling where her shocks went, she ended up hitting Caterpie, the Bug Catcher, and even Yellow. The attack possibly fried what little brain cells the girl had remaining.

Smoke wafting from the blackened bug, it tipped right over. Eye twitching, the Bug Catcher recalled his Pokemon.

"You have sizzled my beautiful Bug Pokemon! I shall cast a plague onto your house!"

* * *

Back in Pallet Town, Yellow's mother was in the process of watering her red and white spotted piranha plants-that she might have attained in another video game universe-when frogs began raining from the sky. Tilting her head heavenward, her eyes went round in unrestrained bliss.

"Froggies!" she proclaimed, breaking into a dash down the road. "Protect the wigs and manholes!"

One of the frogs found itself landing straight into the jaws of a piranha plant. Closing its mouth, the plant devoured the unfortunate amphibian and belched.

* * *

Face-to-face with an enraged Bug Catcher, Yellow and Sparkle were filled to the brim with terror as they wondered how they were going to get out of this situation. Okay, Yellow wasn't; she was too busy noticing that the Poke' Dex was reminiscent to a Game Boy. The Bug Catcher eyed his prey and brandished the Poke' Ball that contained his prized beast. Sparked with anew terror, Sparkle backed up, pressing her body against a tree.

"Uh-oh."

Following suit, Yellow, too, backed up. Sparkle gazed up at her trainer, wondering if she was beginning to catch on that they were in trouble.

"No!" Yellow shouted as the Bug Catcher closed in, cackling madly. "I'm not interested in buying real estate!"

The Pikachu groaned. She should have known Yellow wasn't smart enough to realize their predicament.

Evil grin spreading across his face, the Bug Catcher cracked open the Poke' Ball and out popped a mutant Weedle. The creature's body was almost grotesque in shape, body a much darker shade of yellow, with long hairs like whiskers spouting from its body here and there. The only thing loveable about it was its beady black eyes and extra large and pokeable nose.

Procuring a top hat and cane from the plot hole, the Weedle put on the hat and began to tap dance.

"What's it doing?" Yellow wondered, she and Sparkle observing the Pokemon's performance.

"**Weedle's ritual tap dance before attacking its prey,"** the Poke' Dex relayed as it magically formed in Yellow's hand.

The deformed Weedle ceased dancing and violently shredded his hat and snapped his cane in half. Yellow and Sparkle watched in mild bewilderment as the creature destroyed its own props. Turning to its victims, the small bug pulled out the deadly weapon feared by all…

Fruit Gushers.

"**The Fruit Gushers wielded by Weedle are feared by all throughout the universe. Weedle will shove them in their victims' mouth and their heads will turn into an oversized fruit."**

"Noooo! I don't wanna be a fruit-head!" Yellow despaired.

"_For once, and the only time, you and I agree on something!"_ Sparkle affirmed.

Weedle ripped open the package with a sinister chuckle that sounded like Snoopy.

"Sparkle! Destroy!" Yellow commanded, which the mouse willingly complied.

The bug shrieked from the electrical shock. Body twitching, it dropped its now charred Fruit Gushers and crawled back into its Poke' Ball with a doglike yelp. Hissing, the Bug Catcher grasped a whistle dangling from his neck and blew it. In exactly 59.42 seconds, more of his kind arrived on the scene. In unison, they released their Pokemon and ordered them to avenge their friend's defeat.

"All right, Sparkle, beat up all the things!"

A horde of Caterpie and Metapod used String Shot at once, aiming straight at Sparkle, but the Pikachu managed to avoid them with a well timed leap. As the Caterpie and Metapod ceased, the Electric-type hopped onto the string, which had formed into a large ball. Stepping aback at a fast pace, she moved it forward. She struck the crowd of bugs with the sound effect of a bowling ball knocking over pins.

The Weedle were vaulted at the Pikachu like poisonous darts. Time literally slowing down, Sparkle leaped, flipped, and ducked out of the Weedle's paths in literal slow motion. Every single of the poisonous bugs going headfirst into trees, their stingers sinking into the trunks, time returned to its regular pace.

Victory was attained and Yellow and Sparkle let out a conjoined cheer.

The Bug Catchers withdrew their Pokemon and turned to their enemies with expressions of malice. Slowly coming forth at the speed of zombie-complete with the brain-dead groans-, Yellow attempted to plan their next move, but the effort only resulted in a headache.

This was it. The Bug Catchers were in range. The first one that had been defeated stepped forth to make the first attack. As he pounced, he found himself on the ground in a deep sleep. Yellow, Sparkle, and the remaining Bug Catchers examined the sleeping one and spied a single tranquilizer dart sticking out of his neck. When a single Bug Catcher made the move to yank it out, he, too, was hit.

"Nighty-night, little fishy," the Bug Catcher murmured as he blacked out.

The confused individuals looked to the direction to where the shots originated and there, standing at the far end of the path surrounded by a glorious glow was the boy Yellow and Sparkle met earlier, tranquilizer gun hoisted on one shoulder.

"Are you two all right?" he questioned worriedly.

"Yeah, we're fine!" Yellow cheerfully chirped.

The boy cocked his tranquilizer gun and took aim, the Bug Catchers scrambling like cockroaches. Yellow and Sparkle stood clear as the boy fired away. One-by-one, the Bug Catchers dropped like flies and were sent to Dreamland.

"Thanks for saving us! You can come with us if you want," the girl offered.

"Thanks, but no thanks," the boy, who shall be from this moment on be referred to as Josh, declined. "My rightful place is here. I must…"

Josh trailed off upon noticing he had missed a Bug Catcher. As he was making an attempt to escape, he received a tranquilizer in the rear.

"I must stay and keep my friends under control and make sure this never happens again."

"What happened?" Yellow idiotically inquired, earning exasperated groans from both the Pikachu and boy.

Dispensing their farewells, Yellow and Sparkle continued on. After a couple of hours of doubling back and bumping into trees, they were rewarded as the exit came into view. Breaking into a run, they departed the Viridian Forest.


	3. Double the Trouble

_Chapter Three: Double the Trouble_

"Welcome to our Pokemon Center! We can heal your Pokemon back to perfect health!" a Nurse Joy joyfully greeted the girl on the other side of the counter with a joyful beam that contained much joyous joy. "Shall we heal your Pokemon?"

"Fo shizzle, home dog-diggity-dawg!" was the girl's responding exclamation, which completely took the poor nurse off guard and put her in a joyful state of mild shock.

The child had been holding her Pikachu upside-down the entire time she carried her to Pewter City's Pokemon Center, and the Pokemon believed she would have an aneurism at any time from the amount of blood that rushed to her head. The newbie trainer placed the electric rodent on the counter in the same position, the poor creature tipping over and landing face-down, groans muffled by the face full of counter. At least the clean smell of disinfectant was pleasant.

Looming above the Pokemon Center was a hot air balloon, the actual balloon sporting the image of Robin Williams. Aboard were two humans garbed in black uniforms with a large "R" branded on the chest and a Farfetch'd. The male stood a little taller than his female counterpart, his hair short and brown. His partner's red hair was long and pulled back into a ponytail with freckles dotting across her face. The wild duck Pokemon was looking quite sharp, as he refused to be seen by other people and Pokemon without a black bowtie.

They were an unusual trio, having made it their life goal to emulate their idols. What was unusual about them was that they looked up to two Team Rocket grunts and a Meowth from an anime that didn't even exist in this world. No one even knew how it was even possible how they came across such an anime. Not even they did, however, the man suggested a possibility that involved a hippopotamus in a tutu and sixty-seven pancakes wearing nine-and-a-half sombreros.

Leaping out of the balloon, the young woman landed a belly flop upon the Pokemon Center's skylight, originally hoping to have made a graceful land upon her feet. Apparently, she learned that just because she was raised by cat Pokemon, she didn't gain their abilities. Her partner followed suit, his body squishing her against the glass. Shoving him off, she bashed him in the head with her balled fist.

After taking a moment to rub the goose egg on his head, the male Rocket grunt removed the coil of rope from his arm. Securing one end, he assisted her in breaking an opening in the skylight with a couple of crepes-which was odd, considering the fact that the weight of their bodies failed to inflict a single crack when they fell. As the coil of rope was tossed into the new opening, it unraveled and swung around until it ceased almost all movement.

The building's inhabitants looked on in a mixture of curiosity and amusement as the Rocket grunts made their way down the length of the rope. The pair were almost mid-length when the rope snapped. Fortune was with them, for the author has forbidden death and bodily harm onto them and they survived the fall with no injuries. After a pair of minutes of pained groaning and checking themselves for injuries since they were unaware that they were in a world controlled by the aforementioned author, they scrambled to their feet. Dusting themselves off from anything that had been on the floor that might have stuck to their uniforms, the male turned on a record player that hadn't been there minutes prior. From the player blared the theme music belonging to a certain Team Rocket duo that existed in the earlier stated anime that didn't exist in their realm, the couple proceeded to recite their own version of the motto.

"Prepare for trouble!" cried the female grunt.

"Make it double!" the male followed.

"To protect the world from dangerous freaks!"

"To pelt them all with smelly meats!"

"To relinquish society of junk mail!"

"To go to the mall and see what's on sale!"

"Jean!"

"Roy!"

"Team Rocket blast off with speed and might!"

"Surrender now or else we will bite!"

Fluttering down from above was the Farfetch'd. Allowing himself to land in front of the two posing humans, he twirled the leek in his primary feathers and stood proudly and menacingly-or he would have, if he wasn't a small duck.

"Farfetch'd! Aww yeeeaaah!"

Record scratching and music coming to a halt, the spectators exchanged glances with each other. There was a collective mixture of confusion, shock, discomfort, and possibly gallstones, before out came the response in uproarious laughter. Expressions of scorn replaced the smug expressions of the Rocket grunts and Farfetch'd.

"Stop laughing at us!" Jean roared, her very being on the verge of shaking from the amount of rage brewing within her. Startled by the display of fury, every single person quieted.

"We're here to take every last Pokemon here!" Roy declared.

The remaining people with the exception of Yellow and the nurse fled the building out of fear of being separated from their beloved Pokemon. Both grunts eyeing the Pikachu on the counter with envy, grabbed their respective Poke' Balls and tossed them to free their own Pokemon.

"Go, Sandshrew!" said Jean. Ball cracking open, a yellow shrew Pokemon materialized on the floor.

"Go, Cubone!" Roy followed suit, his Pokemon appearing alongside his partner's.

Both creatures falling into battle stances, they eagerly awaited their trainers' instructions.

"El derpo?" Yellow uttered with her usual idiocy, clueless smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"_Do I have to do everything?"_ the Pikachu groaned in irritation as she slid herself off of the counter and plopped onto the tiled floor below.

"Hold on! Two against one isn't fair!" Nurse Joy joyfully intercepted, holding up an extended hand in joyous noncompliance. "Besides, Pikachu is still in bad condition!"

"_I can take 'em,"_ the Pikachu confidently squeaked. _"I bet that Sandshrew is so slow, she can't land critical hits!"_

"_That's so mean!"_ the Sandshrew whimpered, her bravado collapsing.

Acknowledging the scuffs on Sparkle's body, Jean scoffed, turning up her nose smugly.

"This will be a cakewalk."

Jean's words sparking excitement in her partner, the young man promptly turned vainly in every single direction.

"Cake?! Where?!"

Roy's vain search for the sweet confectionery was cut as he received a bashing in the head by his comrade.

"Sparkle! Zap their animus!" Yellow ordered, unwilling to just hand over the best friend she ever had. Besides one of her mother's imaginary leprechauns. Her Pokemon was well aware that her electric attacks would have no effect on both Ground-types, but fired away anyway. Perhaps it was the only way she would learn.

"Idiot! Electric attacks don't work on Ground-type Pokemon!" Jean huffed, even though the child had just received a live demonstration.

"Sparkle's attack didn't work!" Yellow exclaimed. "That can only mean her batteries have run dry!"

Where the girl drew that conclusion from, the remaining humans and Pokemon had no clue. Though, they did figure out that electricity's ineffectiveness to Ground-types had not sank in.

"Cubone, Bonemerang!" Roy instructed, rubbing the second goose egg left by his companion's fist.

"_I'm an emo Pokemon!"_ Cubone exclaimed as he brought back his bone-weilding arm and hurled it forth, sending the object spinning at the opposing rodent.

Anticipating the attack, Sparkle adeptly darted out of the way.

"_Missed meeeee,"_ she taunted, turning her rear into the direction of her enemies and giving it a wiggle.

"Sandshrew, Sand Attack!" Jean instructed, her frustration over the Pikachu's smug attitude grating down on her final nerves.

"_I'll critical hit you!"_ Sandshrew hissed, summoning clumps of sand from her paws, kicking them straight at Sparkle's face and subsequently blinding her.

"Let's try this again. Cubone, Bonemerang!" Roy repeated, certain that the attack would land now that the target's sight was obscured. For the second time, Cubone's bone went flying, and this time it didn't miss.

Sparkle managed to rub most of the sand from her eyes, but the blow to her head blurred her vision and impeded her ability to move steadily.

"Sandshrew, Scratch!"

"Cubone, Bone Club!"

Yellow winced, her heart crying out as she witnessed her Pokemon collapse and await the beating. She implored her to get up after the assault, but she was unable to do so. Just when her hopes sank to an all-time low, her attention was grasped by duel screeches of two bird Pokemon. A Pidgey and Spearow swooped in to intervene. The avians rammed into the Ground-types with unavoidable Quick Attacks and brutal Fury Attacks until they had fallen.

"Nooooooo!" Jean, Roy, and Farfetch'd despaired in unison as their Pokemon were defeated.

"Yaaaaaaay!" Yellow and Nurse Joy rejoiced joyfully.

"You!" a voice cut across the room, grasping everyone's attention. A dark-skinned Cooltrainer pinned a glare upon Yellow, fists clenched at her sides. "You with the Pikachu!"

"Me?" Yellow queried, glancing around for anyone else with a Pikachu in their possession.

"Yes, you!" The Cooltrainer then pointed an accusing finger. "Your Pokemon stole my ice cream!"

Yellow looked to the vulnerable form of Sparkle.

"Did you take her ice cream, Sparkle?"

"_I'm close to losing consciousness, but I'm awake enough to say that I didn't,"_ Sparkle answered in her usual Pikachu language.

"She didn't do it," Yellow cheerfully chirped as she returned her attention to the other girl.

"Not your Pikachu! Your Nidoran!" the Cooltrainer heatedly corrected.

"What's a Nidoran?"

The Cooltrainer's eyes widened in fury. Whipping her attention to her birds, she opened her mouth to deliver a command.

"Pidgey! Spearow! Check all her Poke' Balls!"

"What's a Poke' Ball?" Yellow's questions went unanswered as the Flying-types pecked at the spherical objects at her waist, eventually coming upon the one containing the Nidoran. The Poison Pin Pokemon popped out of the Ball, eating out of a bowl of sugar that somehow got inside. "Bunny!"

"Hey! What about us?" Roy whined.

"Can you wait?!" the Cooltrainer roared, causing the man to cringe in fear.

"Only I can yell at my partner like that!" Jean bellowed. "We are Team Rocket! Prepare for trouble!"

"M-make it double," Roy squeaked, still in the process of recovering from getting yelled at by a girl.

"To protect the world from dangerous freaks!"

"To p-pelt them all w-with smelly meats…"

"To-"

"Shaddap!" the Cooltrainer cut in, clearly not in the mood.

"Never interrupt the motto!" Shifting her attention to the wild duck standing between her and Roy, she gently nudged him forth with her boot. "Go, Farfetch'd!"

"Ya gotta be kiddin' me!" the Farfetch'd incredulously said.

"GO!"

"Fine!" Farfetch'd gazed up at the hovering birds, feeling himself grow nervous as they sized him up with piercing gazes. Idea sprouting in his brain, he dramatically extended his leek into the direction located behind them. "Look over there! Twinkies!"

Pidgey and Spearow immediately about faced in eager anticipation for delicious cream-filled sponge cakes.

"Take this, ya overgrown feather dusters!" he exclaimed, lunging forth to relentlessly beat both bird Pokemon with his leek. It didn't take too long before Pidgey and Spearow dropped to the floor, defeated.

"Pidgey! Spearow!" the Cooltrainer despaired, her outrage disappearing and being replaced with heavy concern.

"What are we going to do?!" Nurse Joy joyfully cried out.

"Muahahahahahahaha! You'll give us that Pikachu and every last Pokemon in this dump!" Jean replied with triumphant confidence.

"Never!" the nurse defied, joyfully collapsing to the floor to sob joyfully. There was much irony.

The Nidoran looked from her sugar bowl, to the celebrating Rockets, and to the sulking humans who feared their Pokemon would be whisked away. Lifting the bowl, she chugged the rest of the sugar. Charging up on a sugar drive, the record player blared a familiar tune that one would hear whenever Popeye consumed spinach. Hyper and jittery, she stepped forth to challenge Team Rocket.

"Ya want some too?" Farfetch'd questioned, twirling his leek in preparation to strike.

As he swung his edible weapon, Nidoran zipped out of the way, powered by her sugar-drivenness. Lifting a fifty pound bag of sugar that she had procured out of thin air, the Poison-type slammed Farfetch'd with it, the wild duck instantly fainting from the blow. Turning to the remaining members of Team Rocket, she did the same thing with them, sending them flying with enough power to crash right through the roof.

"I'm flying! Wheeeeee!" squealed Roy in joy right before he and the rest of his teammates disappeared over the horizon.

"Yaaay! We win!" Yellow cheered, throwing her hands skyward.

Nurse Joy joyfully leaped to her feet with a celebratory cry. Sparkle couldn't respond in such a manner, as she had succumbed to unconsciousness half-way during the battle between the three bird Pokemon. Nidoran proceeded to indulge herself by consuming twenty pounds of sugar in 12.4 seconds. As for the Cooltrainer, she just gazed at the gaping hole in the ceiling, brain processing what had just taken place.


	4. Rock On!

_Chapter Four: Rock On!_

Stationed in the Pokemon Center's lobby, the human girl and the hyperactive screwball disguised as a human girl waited eagerly for their Pokemon to be returned to them. The Cooltrainer had to hold Yellow back from leaping over the counter and planting her face upon the surface of the healing machine as she repeatedly declared it would grant her powers. Such an incident was averted when the mentally insufficient child was suddenly distracted by a dust bunny located underneath the couch. The dust bunny subsequently shared its immeasurable wisdom, but of course, it fell upon the ears of someone incapable of processing it.

As the fully healed Pokemon were delivered, the Cooltrainer delivered a swift kick to the crouched girl's rear to gain her attention since yelling at her for fifteen minutes proved to be an ineffective method. Sparkle tilted her head up at the dark-toned girl, wondering why she and Nidoran weren't released, then promptly got the idea that she wouldn't be suffering alone. The Pikachu understood she wanted to be repaid with a new ice cream cone, but figured she just didn't know that no amount of ice cream was worth sticking around Yellow-either that or she was completely insane. The earlier screaming had the rodent leaning toward the latter.

Latching onto the Cooltrainer like a lamprey with hands, Yellow began to drag her towards the exit.

"Come on, Rita! Let's go!" she urged, effortlessly smashing down the double doors.

"Hold your Ponytas! Ya don't need to drag me!" came the irritated response.

"I don't have any Ponytas, you silly-head."

"_It's a figure of speech,"_ the Pikachu grumbled, bringing up the rear.

"Where do ya think you're draggin' me in such a hurry?" Rita prompted. The last time she had been dragged along by a weirdo, she ended up at the museum and was forced to spend money she could have used on ice cream.

"The 'Gime'!"

"… The what?"

"_Say what, dawg?"_

It didn't take too long until the confusion subsided. Stopping before the Pewter City Gym, Yellow let go of Rita to point up at the bold text embedded into the building.

"See? The 'Gime'."

Rita and Sparkle exchanged deadpan expressions before settling them back on the girl before them.

"Yellow… that's a Gym."

"Oooooh…" Realization slowly dawning in Yellow's eyes, she turned on her heel and directed herself to the front door. "Come on, Sparkle, let's win ourselves a badger! Rita, you can cheer us on!"

"Whatever," Rita grumbled, she and Sparkle begrudgingly following.

"HELLOOOO!" Yellow shouted, her voice echoing within the dim and seemingly empty Gym. "Cool!"

"You're an idiot," Rita bluntly commented, her patience gradually eroding.

"_Yep,"_ Sparkle agreed.

A dark figure slowly emerged from the shadowy depths of the building, snapping Yellow out of her excited bouncing off the walls. Instead she animatedly bounced over to the tanned teenager, leaning in closely to inspect the slits on his face where his eyes should be.

"Hey, mister, are your eyes glued shut? Did someone steal your eyes?" Yellow inquired.

"My eyes are just fine. I'm just an Asian stereotype," the spiky-haired young man answered as he grasped the girl's hands in order to keep her from attempting to pry his eyelids open.

"But you look too fleshy to be any type of Asian stereo."

Stunned from the sheer idiocy that just flowed from Yellow's mouth, he slowly turned to Rita and quirked a brow as if asking for any sort of explanation as to how _anyone_ was capable of verbalizing such inanity.

The Cooltrainer raised her shoulders in a shrug.

"Hey, don't ask me. The weirdo came here for a Badge or somethin'.

Nodding once, the man released Yellow's wrists and cleared his throat as he prepared to give his standard introduction.

"I'm Brock, Pewter City's Gym Leader! I believe in rock-hard defense and determination! That's why my Pokemon are all Rock-type! Do you still want to challenge me?" Brock gave pause as he waited for a response. All he received was a blank stare from the girl, a strand of drool sliding down her chin. "Fine then! Show me your best!"

Hurling his first Poke' Ball, it cracked open to release a Geodude. Eager for battle, Sparkle took her primary place in front of her opponent, ears flattening against her cranium.

"Yeeeee!" Yellow squealed. "Sparkle, zap the rock monster!"

Both Rita and Sparkle slapped their foreheads in annoyance. Obeying anyway, the yellow mouse charged up her attack and unleashed it upon the Geodude. Yellow watched in bewilderment as the electrical currents bounced harmlessly off of their target.

"Ya dolt! Electric attacks don't work on Rock Pokemon!" Rita growled.

"Rock Pokemon?" Yellow mirrored, her mind short-circuiting. As Rita tossed her hands in the air with an exasperated cry, she gradually began to understand. "Oh, now I get it!"

"_It's about time_…" Sparkle huffed, awaiting her next order.

"Sparkle, use Water Gun!"

Expelling a sigh, the Pikachu managed to procure a Super Soaker out of the plot hole. Aiming, she pulled the trigger to unleash a blast of aqua right into Geodude's surprised face. Wobbling as the Rock-type submitted to unconsciousness, he was withdrawn into his Poke' Ball and replaced with an Onix.

"Onix, Tackle!" Brock commanded.

Lunging forth, the towering rock snake effortlessly crushed Sparkle.

"Meep!" Yellow squeaked, both she and Rita cringing.

"Ouch. That's gotta hurt."

When Onix arose, everyone within the room focused their attention on the flattened form of the Pikachu. Yellow bent over to grip her Pokemon's ears and peeled her right off the floor. Flat as a piece of paper, the Electric-type was rolled up and tucked underneath one of her trainer's arms. Plucking Nidoran's Poke' Ball from her waist, the girl hurled it to let out her next Pokemon, but what came out was a fifty pound bag of sugar. The bag sat there in front of Onix, streams of the sweet substance pouring out of multiple holes.

"Your next Pokemon is a bag of sugar?" Brock questioned in befuddlement.

"No, silly! It's my blue bunny!"

Upon hearing the words "blue bunny", Nidoran's head popped out of the mass of sugar, believing ice cream was in her near future. A wide grin spread across the maw of the hyper and cheerful creature as she set her sight upon the imposing Onix.

"_HI!"_ she squeaked, grabbing pawfulls of sugar and throwing them into Onix's eyes.

"Go, Fluffy!" Yellow encouraged.

"_Ahhh! My eyes!"_ Onix cried, clenching his eyes as tightly shut as his trainer.

Scurrying up the length of Onix's body, the Nidoran scattered sugar all over the beast. The granules made their way inside the cracks of the boulders that made up Onix's body, creating an irritatingly itchy sensation.

"What's your Nidoran doing to Onix?!" Brock cried out, planting his hands on his cheeks with half of a disbelieving expression. It just wasn't a complete expression without the eyes.

"Sharing her sugar!" Yellow answered, eyes trailing Fluffy as she scampered off of her opponent.

Unable to bear the insistent itching, Onix rolled over and squirmed-continuously rubbing the irritated cracks against the floor in hopes of ridding the itching. Seeing that his Pokemon could no longer battle in such a state, Brock had no choice but to surrender. With a resigning sigh, he withdrew Onix back into his Poke' Ball.

"I took you for granted." Approaching the semi-victorious trainer, he handed over the semi-coveted Boulder Badge. "As proof of your victory, here's the Boulder Badge."

Yellow issued an overenthusiastic "Thank you" to the Gym Leader and recalled the Nidoran while Rita was halfway finished comprehending what she witnessed.

"Hey, Brock?" Rita spoke up, her eyes alight with curiosity. "Since your eyes are always shut, how do ya… see where you're goin'?"

"X-ray vision," Brock answered simply, the corners of his lips curling up in a smirk.

She stared at the teenager for several moments, feeling rather uncomfortable. Too uncomfortable. Not wanting to linger any longer, she grasped Yellow by the arm and hauled her out of the Gym as fast as her legs would permit.

* * *

For the seven-hundreth time that day, Rita was deposited in the Museum-this time with Yellow and Sparkle at her side. They wandered the building, taking in boring wonders that were prominently displayed. As Sparkle tried to convince a middle-aged man to kidnap her and give her to his daughter, Yellow and Rita had their full attention on a glistening chunk of Old Amber.

"Fo shizzle mah nizzle, home-doggy-dawg!" came the unexpected exclamation from a scientist located behind the girls and Pikachu, startling them into recoil. "Yo, G, do meh a favah an' take dis Old Ambah ta Cinnabah Island!"

Rita considered punching the scientist in the face while he was distracted with snatching the Old Amber and handing it over to Yellow, but decided she would be lenient today. With a giddy squeal, Yellow graciously thanked the scientist and stored the item into the void dwelling in her backpack.

"Yo, home skillet-"

Before the scientist had the chance to finish his sentence, he was walloped in the back of the head by one of his annoyed colleagues.

"You're not a gangsta'!" the incensed scientist bellowed, his face contorted into an expression that matched his voice. "You're Asian; you're supposed to be speaking proper English!"

Eager to leave the museum and never step foot in Pewter City ever again, Rita positioned herself behind her companion to shove her out of the building. The trio was deftly guided by the Cooltrainer, avoiding the twitching man standing in the middle of town so they wouldn't be taken back to the museum…

Okay, they were caught and promptly escorted back, but they finally escaped the city after their nine-hundred sixty-seventh attempt. Once the fellowship took their first steps on the next route, they made their way towards their next destination: Mt. Moon.


End file.
